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I have an identical twin brother. Last week, he was diagnosed with colon cancer at the age of 33. He relayed that information to me in an email. I couldn't concentrate on much of anything that day. While I was doing my laundry that evening, I mentally wrote my brother's eulogy and delivered it in front of a church full of mourners.
"Every time I catch my reflection in a mirror, or in a storefront window," I said. "I'll remember."
What would my two year old nephew do without his father? "The twins", as we've been called since forever, would just be "me"...how could I deal with that. This was the first scare I've had in my life where someone I care about could actually die. I'd never had to deal with the emotions I was feeling, I just figured everyone in my family would live for ever. We're supposed to be invincible.
Luckily, the cancer was caught in its earliest stages and was removed from his body. CAT scans and blood tests reveled the cancer had not spread. To say that I was relived to hear that my brother was going to be OK is an understatement. But I'm still scared to death.
I have to meet with the doctor tomorrow so I can be checked out. I'm frightened that something might be found. I share the same DNA with my brother, my brother is my natural clone in a way, and I've logically assumed that whatever is happening in his body is happening in mine. I've scared myself quite nicely googling & reading topics like "cancer symptoms" and "how do I know if I have cancer." Apparently, you really don't have symptoms with cancer, not until it's too late anyway. At 33, I never thought I'd be dealing with this. They say you're supposed to start screening for colon cancer at 50. My brother would have been dead by then. Now, every ache and pain I feel in my body has been attributed to a cancer I don't even know if I have.
Clearly, I'm frightened...and irrational. My perspective on life is a bit different now, I wish it didn't take things like this to open my eyes.
"Every time I catch my reflection in a mirror, or in a storefront window," I said. "I'll remember."
What would my two year old nephew do without his father? "The twins", as we've been called since forever, would just be "me"...how could I deal with that. This was the first scare I've had in my life where someone I care about could actually die. I'd never had to deal with the emotions I was feeling, I just figured everyone in my family would live for ever. We're supposed to be invincible.
Luckily, the cancer was caught in its earliest stages and was removed from his body. CAT scans and blood tests reveled the cancer had not spread. To say that I was relived to hear that my brother was going to be OK is an understatement. But I'm still scared to death.
I have to meet with the doctor tomorrow so I can be checked out. I'm frightened that something might be found. I share the same DNA with my brother, my brother is my natural clone in a way, and I've logically assumed that whatever is happening in his body is happening in mine. I've scared myself quite nicely googling & reading topics like "cancer symptoms" and "how do I know if I have cancer." Apparently, you really don't have symptoms with cancer, not until it's too late anyway. At 33, I never thought I'd be dealing with this. They say you're supposed to start screening for colon cancer at 50. My brother would have been dead by then. Now, every ache and pain I feel in my body has been attributed to a cancer I don't even know if I have.
Clearly, I'm frightened...and irrational. My perspective on life is a bit different now, I wish it didn't take things like this to open my eyes.
1 comments:
By
Anonymous, at
8:40 PM
I don't know you, but I know for sure you don't have cancer. I'm glad your brother is going to be ok and I hope you find out you're going to be ok right away.
C-Money