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Whoever is responsible for pulling the universal strings has a distinctly warped sense of humor. Who's idea was it to make the final years of our lives the worst we've had? Why does growing old suck so fucking much?
Today, at age 99, my grandma was placed into a nursing home. A lifelong Catholic and non-user of birth control, as her 10 children's existence can attest to, my grandmother is the undisputed matriarch of my huge family. 10 years ago, my grandma moved in with my family...my mother being the youngest of the brood. It seemed unfair that the youngest child suddenly had to take care of her mother, but nobody else wanted the job so my mom took it. 10 years ago, when decisions were made, I'm almost positive no one expected my grandmother to last as long as she has.
My grandmother's days at home were filled with hours of the Game Show Network and Gin Rummy. She loves rummy & she loves Wheel of Fortune. She's fortunate to still have her mental faculties, which is why I never handed her a game of rummy, but her body rebels against her. Her legs are wooden, her weight has ballooned because of inactivity, her bowels are no longer as patient as they used to be.
My mother, who would never admit this, began to resent her own mother and the burden that had been placed upon her. I think both of my parent's had a love/hate thing going on with grandma, and I think grandma resented her condition and took it out on my parents. With the kids gone, now was supposed to be the time my mom and dad could live their lives for themselves. Instead they had to baby sit, leave functions early to make sure Grandma had eaten and not fallen down, make sure she hadn't been sitting in her chair for 8 hour stretches for fear the blood in her legs would pool at her ankles...in short they had a 90 something year old baby living in my brother's old bedroom.
4 days ago my grandmother entered the hospital and my mother came to some hard to swallow realizations. She could no longer physically maneuver her mother's 150 lb frame. She had to accept that even though she's learned a lot over the past 10 years, she's no doctor. Tearfully and reluctantly, after a spending the last 4 day's next to my grandmother's hospital bed, my mom and dad had to accept that they could no longer take care of my grandmother in their house.
Currently, my mother is on the verge of tears with every breath and, if I know her, racked with guilt. So, yeah, getting old is fucked up. I could dwell on the fact that my grandmother has had a full and blessed life, but seriously, with the knowledge of age and experience, now should be the best time of her life. And yet her body betrays her. It fights her...our bodies fight us all. My grandmother's age draws lines of worry on my own mother's face...her age steals her mobility and memory, it robs her of vitality and freedom.
It's all so fucking unfair.
Today, at age 99, my grandma was placed into a nursing home. A lifelong Catholic and non-user of birth control, as her 10 children's existence can attest to, my grandmother is the undisputed matriarch of my huge family. 10 years ago, my grandma moved in with my family...my mother being the youngest of the brood. It seemed unfair that the youngest child suddenly had to take care of her mother, but nobody else wanted the job so my mom took it. 10 years ago, when decisions were made, I'm almost positive no one expected my grandmother to last as long as she has.
My grandmother's days at home were filled with hours of the Game Show Network and Gin Rummy. She loves rummy & she loves Wheel of Fortune. She's fortunate to still have her mental faculties, which is why I never handed her a game of rummy, but her body rebels against her. Her legs are wooden, her weight has ballooned because of inactivity, her bowels are no longer as patient as they used to be.
My mother, who would never admit this, began to resent her own mother and the burden that had been placed upon her. I think both of my parent's had a love/hate thing going on with grandma, and I think grandma resented her condition and took it out on my parents. With the kids gone, now was supposed to be the time my mom and dad could live their lives for themselves. Instead they had to baby sit, leave functions early to make sure Grandma had eaten and not fallen down, make sure she hadn't been sitting in her chair for 8 hour stretches for fear the blood in her legs would pool at her ankles...in short they had a 90 something year old baby living in my brother's old bedroom.
4 days ago my grandmother entered the hospital and my mother came to some hard to swallow realizations. She could no longer physically maneuver her mother's 150 lb frame. She had to accept that even though she's learned a lot over the past 10 years, she's no doctor. Tearfully and reluctantly, after a spending the last 4 day's next to my grandmother's hospital bed, my mom and dad had to accept that they could no longer take care of my grandmother in their house.
Currently, my mother is on the verge of tears with every breath and, if I know her, racked with guilt. So, yeah, getting old is fucked up. I could dwell on the fact that my grandmother has had a full and blessed life, but seriously, with the knowledge of age and experience, now should be the best time of her life. And yet her body betrays her. It fights her...our bodies fight us all. My grandmother's age draws lines of worry on my own mother's face...her age steals her mobility and memory, it robs her of vitality and freedom.
It's all so fucking unfair.
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