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Last week I lost a friend, a family member. She was black and tan and was covered in fur, but that didn't mean I haven't felt her death deeply...
She was 10 and the most gorgeous German Shepherd you'd ever seen. Long wisps of hair surrounded her regal face, her eyes dark...full of soul, intelligence and emotion. I didn't realize I'd never see her again when I left my parents' house the Sunday before last...I didn't get to say goodbye. Fortunately, she always got a hug and kiss from me when I left the house, so I hope it was enough. I hope she knew my love for her was the same as my love for my mother and father who were with her, holding her, when she let go of her body...hopefully bound for greener pastures and free from the pain that wracked her arthritic body.
I found out that my baby had been taken from me via email. My cousin sent me a message at work saying how sorry she was for our loss. I literally spoke (or yelled) the word "no" and quickly dialed my parents house. My shaky voiced mother answered the phone and I knew the email wasn't the mistake I hoped it was. "I didn't want to tell you while you were at work," she said.I knew this day was coming, but I didn't think it would be here so soon.
The fact that my friend was gone didn't hit me until I got home. I saw her framed picture in my bookcase, looked into the face of my own German Shepherd puppy that so closely resembled the kind soul I grew up with and I lost it.
Now I'm sort of accepting things the way they are. I went home this past weekend and the house was empty...missing an important presence. I couldn't find her laying in the kitchen, I just saw the dirty & worn paint on the wall next to where she should have been. She wasn't on the couch or laying in front of my parent's bathroom door waiting for one of them to get out of the shower. Her absence was, and is, palpable.
I almost didn't get a dog because I knew that someday I might be faced with this very situation. I can't, or don't want to, imagine a problem where death is the best solution. How can I look my puppy in the face and say "this is for the best"? Ugh, I'm truly heartbroken...how these four legged, furry creatures are able to lick their way to the centers of our souls I'll never know, but they do it...and when they're gone the tears that are shed for them are real, a testament to unconditional friendship & love...from both sides.
She was 10 and the most gorgeous German Shepherd you'd ever seen. Long wisps of hair surrounded her regal face, her eyes dark...full of soul, intelligence and emotion. I didn't realize I'd never see her again when I left my parents' house the Sunday before last...I didn't get to say goodbye. Fortunately, she always got a hug and kiss from me when I left the house, so I hope it was enough. I hope she knew my love for her was the same as my love for my mother and father who were with her, holding her, when she let go of her body...hopefully bound for greener pastures and free from the pain that wracked her arthritic body.
I found out that my baby had been taken from me via email. My cousin sent me a message at work saying how sorry she was for our loss. I literally spoke (or yelled) the word "no" and quickly dialed my parents house. My shaky voiced mother answered the phone and I knew the email wasn't the mistake I hoped it was. "I didn't want to tell you while you were at work," she said.I knew this day was coming, but I didn't think it would be here so soon.
The fact that my friend was gone didn't hit me until I got home. I saw her framed picture in my bookcase, looked into the face of my own German Shepherd puppy that so closely resembled the kind soul I grew up with and I lost it.
Now I'm sort of accepting things the way they are. I went home this past weekend and the house was empty...missing an important presence. I couldn't find her laying in the kitchen, I just saw the dirty & worn paint on the wall next to where she should have been. She wasn't on the couch or laying in front of my parent's bathroom door waiting for one of them to get out of the shower. Her absence was, and is, palpable.
I almost didn't get a dog because I knew that someday I might be faced with this very situation. I can't, or don't want to, imagine a problem where death is the best solution. How can I look my puppy in the face and say "this is for the best"? Ugh, I'm truly heartbroken...how these four legged, furry creatures are able to lick their way to the centers of our souls I'll never know, but they do it...and when they're gone the tears that are shed for them are real, a testament to unconditional friendship & love...from both sides.
1 comments:
By
Dustin, at
10:23 PM
I know exactly how you're feeling, my dog died last week too. But, you just have to focus on the blessing that they were in your life and how lucky you were to have them for the time that you did.